Zebulon Miletsky@BlackBiracial
A good friend of mine, Patrick Jones, who is a noted historian of race and teaches African-American history at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln was asked by a reporter to lend his thoughts about what it felt like to live as an inter-racial couple in contemporary America for the Lincoln Journal Star. Patrick lives in Omaha with his wife, Andrea, who is African-American, and their daughter, Zora. Patrick was born in Baltimore, Maryland, and grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. He researches, writes and teaches about the civil rights/Black Power era, America in the 1960s, race relations, urban inequality, social movements, electoral politics, African American experience in the "Jazz Age," and post-WWII American popular culture and is the author of an award-winning book, The Selma of the North: Civil Rights Insurgency in Milwaukee. His wife, Andrea, is a physician, and a native of Omaha. She comes from a interracial family herself and is a graduate of the University of Nebraska at Lincoln, where she attended for her undergraduate degree as well as an M.D. Although the newspaper only published a portion of his comments, here is the full version of what Patrick wrote to JoAnne Young, the reporter, when she asked him to give some thoughts:
Our experience as an inter-racial couple in contemporary Omaha is no doubt dramatically different than most inter-racial couples prior to 1963. My wife and I do not confront the same overt challenges in housing, banking, medical care, etc., that those of a previous generation did. Nor do we face a popular culture that is as demeaning or disapproving of inter-racial relationships as they faced, though stereotypes and opposition do continue to exist. We live in the midst of a demographic transformation taking place in the United States that signals the rise of a truly multi-racial, multi-ethnic and global America. So, we operate in a very different context, a very different world, and a radically different historical moment, than those who came before us.
It is also important to acknowledge and factor in from the get-go that we are not a "typical" inter-racial couple, whatever that is. I am white and my wife is "bi-racial" (her mom is white and her dad is African American), though she would self-identify as African-American much of the time. The preponderance of inter-racial marriages in the United States are between white women and black men. That calculus matters and no doubt distinguishes our experience from many other black-white inter-racial relationships. In addition, my wife and I are both professional people, adding whatever meaning that class dynamic might have in all of this. I am an Associate Professor of History and African American Studies at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and my wife is a second year family medicine resident at the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha. Because of what I do, I am much more explicit, overt and public about issues of race than my wife is. She prefers a quieter, more private, less-confrontational, negotiated route. I am a historian. She is a scientist. We are both proud of and try to honor the whole savory ethnic and cultural stew that makes up who we are, as individuals and as a family, a stew that includes, African, German, Irish, Polish, Welsh, Lebanese, French and who knows what else. We have our own, peculiar journey through these issues. Race and ethnicity is an important dynamic of who we are, how we understand the world and how that world does or does not reach back to us... but it is not the only dynamic, nor is it often a determinative factor in our life together, as it might have been in the past. Is our experience comparable to anyone else's? I dunno. All I can say is that it is our experience.
My wife and I rarely feel that our inter-racial-ness is at the forefront of our social experience, let alone an obstacle to us as a couple, or family. Sure, we have specific moments: The shifty looks or peculiar behavior that are hard to interpret, but which raise that extra-sensory caution in your mind; the white friend that confides in us that his working-class father would not approve of our marriage; the African American friend who tells me over lunch that he is only now [in his 40s] becoming more accepting of inter-racial relationships, in large measure because his teenage children, who are much more multi-racial in their outlook than he is, are beginning to date; the well-meaning, but strange, comments white people make about how "naturally beautiful" multi-racial children are; the (patronizing) unearned props, or cool points, we are sometimes given as an inter-racial couple, just because we are an inter-racial couple; or, the uncomfortable stories that have come up from time to time at family gatherings about relatives who were racist. And, who knows what goes on behind the curtain, or beyond our gaze, what people say or do when we are not there? That is beyond our control, so we do not dwell too much on it. Certainly, as a "white guy who does race" as a scholar, teacher and citizen, I sometimes contend with dismissive or attacking remarks by colleagues and community-members challenging my perspective, authority or intent because I "married black," or because my wife did not. There are a lot of political, cultural and historical issues at work in each of these reactions that require deeper exploration than is possible here. In general, we accept the occasional moments where our inter-racial-ness becomes salient in our social interactions as a part of the reality of our life in the United States in this particular historical moment and try to work through them as they arise. We are fortunate to have a wonderful multi-racial circle of friends and family who are strong and loyal in their support of our relationship. On balance, the diversity of our combined history is far and away a great asset, a source of joy, pride and wisdom.
We do feel strongly that there are important parallels between our history as an inter-racial couple and the struggle it took to get full marriage equality across the color line, and the contemporary, on-going struggle for full marriage equality for gays and lesbians. In fact, we wrote and printed in our wedding program the following statement that expresses our core sentiments on the issue and how we see it relating to inter-racial relationships:
A special note from the bride & groom: It is with so much joy that we have gathered here today to celebrate our union together in love and happiness. We are deeply grateful to all of you for being a part of this ceremony and for the unconditional support each of you has extended to us as our (unorthodox) relationship has grown from a vulnerable, green shoot poking through fertile soil into a strong and mighty tree, rooted firmly in the ground, reaching its various branches toward the limitless sky. We understand that our individual relationship is strengthened and nurtured by this community of support. As an interracial couple, we are well aware of the (recent) troubled, discriminatory history of marriage in the United States, both in civil law and within various religious traditions. We are mindful that many thousands before us were not afforded the freedom to pursue their love as their hearts dictated. We are conscious that many paid a cost, sometimes with their lives, for the love they shared across the color line. Today, as we consecrate our own love before you, we pay special, living tribute to Mildred and Richard Loving, whose courageous actions led to the historic 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision, Loving v. Virginia, which declared state laws barring inter-racial relationships unconstitutional. We are also acutely aware on this day, as we celebrate our love together, that many of our fellow-citizens are still unable to enjoy the same rights and privileges. With this in mind, we want to make clear that we stand in solidarity with the idea that the basis of marriage is the love, fidelity and commitment shared between two people, regardless of race, gender or sexuality. We stand in solidarity with all of those struggling for full civil and spiritual equality for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. God’s love is limitless and includes everyone. We believe that all of the diversity in the world is a part of God’s grand mosaic of life, and invested with the same basic dignity. We are proud and humbled to be a part of a spiritual community at First United Methodist Church that is open and affirming, a prophetic voice for justice, equality and the transformative power of love. And, at the root of our celebration today is LOVE, the most profound, creative and just force in the universe. Yet, we live in a world torn by inequality, poverty, violence and war. On our special day of love and union, we would like to raise up a prayer for peace and justice in our personal relationships, in our national policies and priorities and in the interactions of people and societies across the globe. May the joy we feel today flow outward into the world as a healing force of truth and wisdom. May the energy created through our union and the loving circle of family and friends gathered here, inspire each of us to celebrate our human diversity and work toward alleviating inequality, poverty and injustice, and finally ending the human tragedy of war. This is our prayer for this day.
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| The Family Jones |
[Editor's Note:] Shortly after having written this the Jones family recently posted this message and picture in solidarity with an interracial family which was being terrorized in nearby Council Bluffs, Iowa. "Extremely distressing development just across the river from Omaha in Council Bluffs where it appears that a bi-racial couple had their home burned down in a hate crime. 'Authorities say it's clear it was a hate crime because a racial slur was spray-painted in the living room of the house...'" Council Bluffs arson victims shocked to be target of possible hate crime - Omaha.com
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